The fire that never goes out.

This fire burns and burns we have sought professional help to put out the fires but to no avail. The fires burn on and on causing damage that may never be the same again. We have tried water lots of water nope didn't work didn't even make a difference. Day and night the burning continues slowly wearing me down mentally physically maybe even emotionally to the point of madness. I crawl into a fetal position trying to figure out if all this is real or just my sick imagination creating a hell for me to live in. Maybe I am in hell did I die was I poisoned, is the burning really real ?? I know I dream of the burning on and on it burns as you might be thinking I am meaning the fires of hell but in reality I'm meaning the fires of my body as I stand as I lay still the feet the legs burn on and on pushing me towards the edges of madness. Causing me to lash out to love ones, to coworkers, to strangers driving by, unimagining anger the frustration simply the catalist reaching down to the evil we all suppress we all fear to even agknowledge. I'm finding myself becoming familiar with this side of my humanity you can even say comfortable dealing out visious demenor which in turn pushes them away the ones who matter the ones to be protected the ones I need to keep me from myself, diving into the pool of lonilyness as the walls close in closer and closer can I breathe I cant breathe can I !!! Which burns me even more help me please help me a cry for help can you hear me listen to me I beseach you to stop to slow down and to notice me sinking crying in a sad sading reality.

A Blink

I woke up took mother to work, went back to bed and poof woke up just in time to get ready for work. Went to work poof came home and that was it day was over like they say in a blink of an eye 17 hours were gone. I guess in a normal day id sleep 2 or 3 hours at a time 3 or 4 times in a day. Maybe I should be a cab driver get into the heart of the world see how real poverty stricken people live. I am all over the place today hahaha. Oh and it seems like a few years ago I was 25 and I'm about to turn 45 so basicly the next blink I might be 65 scary shit let me tell you. At this point I can't afford 2 many blinks. Ok at this point it's best to close out and let this one go.
LOL

Sunday's

Sunday night getting ready for bed watching tv, eating jellie bellies, petting the kitty cat, and looking at aaron next to me. I talked to my sister today about nothing of major importance but we did talk for like 2 hours. LOL Oh and I took mother deariest to the store I needed like 2 things spent 78 dollars I can't help myself. I had a long day my fibro has been kicking me in the ass all week, taking my meds and dealing with the pain. This might be because of the weather changes and rainy conditions. Kinda a slow day nothing else to say right now.

Just another day

Last night Aaron woke me up around 330 or 4 am he said his chest was tight and it was hard to breathe. I asked him what he meant exactly and if he had pain in his left arm he said no. Turns out today he remembers laying in a strange position and thinks its actually his muscle. I wanna kill him he keeps scaring me, I mean shit he's 27 years old a little young to be having a heart attack. Ok well that drama is over with I hope, I will watch him for a while and see if he is feeling better or not. My mother went thru some more of her stuff slow but surely it's getting done but definitely slowly. If everything gets done or not I am out of here come april this place is killing me and it's time to get back to our life. We watched that show prayers for bobby, jesus I cried like a baby ryan kelley is a hot little number whoa. Im ready to join his fan club or start one. I was my own worse enemy before I came out hated myself for being gay but thats another story better off left unsaid at this point. Well tomorrow is another day and I am off work I think I will work on moving stuff into the garage, get rid of the storage unit just a waste of money now. For the record she is now divorced he ( her ex husband bob ) has gotten most of his stuff the garage is like 85% cleared out lots of space now. There are a lot of things I need to get done in 3 months, to be honest I really need the jeff of about 10 years ago he got things done and cared. I'm finding it hard to care about other peoples problems this body is starting to give out on me it's pretty scarey. Ok enough rambling I am going to go to sleep. Thanks for readint this and putting up with me. jeff